I left a part of my heart

In LDN. Now i can tell it's true.
I don't know how it's happened.Well I know but I don't realised. Or I didn't realised so far...
I'm in pain about being far of LDN. About being far of this life. Well I had also not really happy time there but I was free. Fuck. I missed freedom. And I know that I could have more freedom but I don't want to hurt my mother. Because my brother moved liked 4 months ago and he was "her boy". Now i'm the only one who is at home. Even if I've already left 1 year in total, it's not the same. But I want to have freedom. To go out when I want, not to have to set my schedule due to my brother's coming just to please my mum... And it's fed me up... I know that I loved Bxl. But know I understand how much I loved LDN, so much more than Bxl. Cause LDN is more me. More me than Bxl was.
Okay my home town is me. But I fucking miss LDN just like I left a part of my heart there. A tiny part, such tiny that I didn't realised how much I left there, but one year later now I know.
What can I do when my heart is tearing apart ?
Fuck.